When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
