i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I want to fling myself into the sun
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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