We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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