She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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