She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
