he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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