We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
