I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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