i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Houston, we have a blender
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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