Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
