im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Who died my cat blue again?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
