the condom got lost in my hair
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
