I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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