He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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