yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
