I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
