You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
