you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Randomize
