I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
