It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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