I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
