Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
