Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
