John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
