It's Friday. Sex?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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