I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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