Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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