How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
