i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
