hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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