The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
