hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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