i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
