roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
