I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
