You can't motorboat a personality
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
