I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize