I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
A+ Viking dick
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