Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
There was a lot of him and a little penis
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize