somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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