We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
