cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
