i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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