Is it because I queefed?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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