She went from zero to smokin in five shots
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Randomize
