ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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