I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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