just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
