They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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