I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
