I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
