Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
