Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
