My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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