Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
