just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Say something about gay babies.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
