We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
God, I missed his penis.
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