I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
