we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
